Something new

I’m up at 5 a.m. because someone said it’s one of the best things he’s done for himself. Provided I go to sleep early enough, I’ve decided it’s not that bad. Working in an industry where I am dedicated to other people, a few hours in the morning is nice. I can go to the gym this way, never have to rush and forget the possibility of being late. I can watch the sunrise from my back porch, yoga, the possibilities are endless. I think sometimes we need an outside perspective to find the inside motivation. Advertisements Continue reading Something new

If it’s too good to be true, it usually is

A saying I was always told at an early age. Especially pertains to now. There was a time I had nothing. Everyone starts at square one but it takes a special someone (me) to be able to go in the negatives from zero. Burning bridges by default and worrying if things are going too well. Back when I was raised to be this God-fearing child, I thought that if I was enjoying something too much, it would disappear, get taken away or get hit by a lightening bolt. So I figured if I could be the one that pulls the … Continue reading If it’s too good to be true, it usually is

Abridged what if’s

What if things were better, and people never struggled? What if Netflix and Chill was just for cuddles, and room for God was there? What if he were mine, my happiness reflected, in the glistening of his eyes and messy morning hair? What if I believed that every good thing that came along, was something I deserved? What if I was born self loving, and never had to purge? What if I was normal, and saw things all the same? Looking down when people passed and let my spirit be tamed? All these things are possible, the only thing stopping … Continue reading Abridged what if’s

Holidays

I’ve never been much of a fan for capitalistic holidays but we have another one coming up; tomorrow no less. It’s the day we say our prayers and list what we’re grateful for only to go Black Friday shopping the next day. Hearing stories of trampled bodies and physical fights between adults for the sake of a t.v. or phone. When I was a child I had a much rosier view of this time of year. Traditions and trips up to Michigan, smells, warmth, presents, getting the things you truly thought you’d never get. But now I see there’s so … Continue reading Holidays

S.A.D.

Once a social butterfly, my wings are now cut. The darkness from winter has left me unloved. Lack of sun will be my ultimate demise. A stone cold face only friends can recognize as a plea for escape. Let me run, help me leave this place. Because I’m trapped and know no other way. Only temporarily smiling for the stay in this cheap motel that houses me. A stepping stone in the grand scheme. I’m empty but okay with it. Too familiar with the feeling to want to quit. Letting it take me in its cold arms, hugging me closer … Continue reading S.A.D.

The worst part about a break up

The entire thing. The initiator feels personally responsible, sad and remorseful but knows the only option is to push through with it. The victim of this horrible situation is left broken and feelings of inadequacy start to stem from preexisting insecurities. The end is the whole reason why I don’t like the beginning. The hardest part for me to comprehend is that the person you devoted your time to will now make someone else happy. Until the situation repeats itself.The little things you took for granted are someone else’s God send. And you’re eventually forgotten. Thinking on it, I know … Continue reading The worst part about a break up

The problem I’m currently struggling with

Wanting something I can’t have. Relevant to people too, the things that come without a challenge get boring to me; it’s sad. I’ve always been used to having to work for what I have so when things are a given I get uncomfortable. When people like me, I tend to run, push away, get swallowed up by solitude, search for something new and have said person left dazed and confused. They wonder what they did wrong. It’s not easy to tell someone you’re good enough but not for me. That you’re amazing but I’m wasting your time. That it’s not … Continue reading The problem I’m currently struggling with